#Anyways. we were fwb for a while and it was cool n chill then they ended it. and i thought i was cool n chill and over it but SIKE
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moth-flowers · 2 months ago
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moth-flowers #21
#moth flowers#comics#my art#blood cw#autobio comics#pen and ink#Made this one a few months ago a little after we first made out and i was lowkey getting rlly obsessive and it sucked ass#Like recognizing its infatuation doesn't make it go away as it turns out ToT#Anyways. we were fwb for a while and it was cool n chill then they ended it. and i thought i was cool n chill and over it but SIKE#They get a BF and I am consumed by an overwhelming amount of the Jealousy Beast and overall lots of Big Emotions.#That was what the 'dyke drama' post was about btw#Its been a few days I'm doing a lot better and I'm greatful for that. lotta help from my friends by just hangin' out and talking and asking#For their opinions n shit. been pretty good. made a cake and it fucks and im so sexy for that actually#Like damn the person who was lowkey my ideal partner told me they weren't in a place for commitment#And then they get into a commitment. and although i know it realistically wouldn't have worked out in the long-run (I'll b moving. they def#aren't) I was still fucked up about. But I bet I'm a better cook than him. and also sexier and cooler#(IM ACTUALLY FRIENDS WITH THE GUY AND HE'S PRETTY COOL BUT ALSO LIKE. LET ME BE A PETTY I THINK I'VE EARNED IT)#Annnnywayssss. This is lowkey one of my fav comics i think :D i mean i feel that way about most of them.#But i REALLY like the way the perspective n stuff turned out. like ough fuck yeah#And i make references to the last line all the time with friends that I've shown this to.#ramble in the tags#Thank u to whoever is reading this. pls share ur thoughts and experiences! connection and shit is one of my fave parts of this <3
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subbykboys · 5 years ago
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the bad boy’s secret | chanyeol
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↳ pairing : badboy!chanyeol x reader
Genre ➞ bad boy AU, fwb AU, college AU, smut
Warnings ➞ sub!chanyeol, dom!reader, bondage, oral (m. & f. receiving), edging, unprotected sex, riding, mild dirty talk, mild degrading, creampie, face riding, cum eating [ sorry not sorry ], reader is in denial , overuse of the word please
Word Count ➞ 8.2k
chanyeol is a bad boy with a nasty reputation. he’s sexy, mysterious, and entirely untouchable. well... to most people, that is. to you, on the other hand-- he’s something else entirely.
posted ; 6.04.20
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there was an angry chill in the air. it bit at your face and hands as you strode to the campus lot where your car was parked. all around you, brightly colored leaves fell to the earth as strong gusts of wind broke them free of the branches they so weakly clung to. they blanketed the ground in shades of vibrant reds, tempting oranges, and dull, blotchy browns. 
it was actually really beautiful. you'd always been a fan of the cool undertones of fall. especially the reds. ugh, red was such a gorgeous color. practically everything you owned was red, or some varying shade of it. it was just so sexy and dangerous and— 
"(y/n)!" you were snapped from your inner thoughts by a barking voice. 
quickly, you averted your eyes from the ground and onto the face of the girl walking beside you. her name is Mina, you're pretty sure. you grimaced at her irritated expression, realizing you must have zoned out again. getting lost in your thoughts at inappropriate times was a pretty frequent occurrence for you. 
"huh?" 
she scoffed in disbelief, eyes narrowing, "where's your head at? i've been talking for a solid five minutes and i'm pretty sure you stopped listening six minutes ago."
you chuckled, scratching the back of your neck as an apologetic smile touched your lips, "sorry. i was just thinking about the leaves." 
"you're so weird." 
you didn't know why she felt comfortable saying that to you. you weren't even friends. at least, not by your standards. maybe acquaintances. maybe. 
and that was only because you happened to have the same afternoon photography class and just so happened to sit next to each other. you supposed in her pea sized brain that was enough to qualify for a friendship. but you had standards. and she was god damn rude. 
regardless, you didn't have the energy or patience to start any sort of altercation. so you shrug, head bobbing lazily in agreement. 
"i know."
that seemed to satisfy her as any remaining glimmer of annoyance was swept off her features with one last eye roll and replaced by a light grin, "whatever. hey, there's this party at my boyfriend's frat house tonight and you should totally come." 
"no thanks." was your swift, concise rejection. but of course, that was not enough to satisfy her. 
"what? why not?" her tone demanded an explanation that you really didn't feel like giving. 
sighing heavily, you kicked a pebble across the sidewalks. "parties aren't my thing." 
that was maybe half the truth. you actually did like parties. just not frat boy parties. they were like beacons for girls with low self esteem and insecure rich boys with superiority complexes. they were loud as fuck and made your head ache. not to mention they reeked. apparently, a lot of guys didn't learn in high school how to put on deodorant. your preference stood with more low key parties, with a more controlled number of attendees and some chill drinking. maybe getting a little baked if you were in that vibe. 
"you can be such a buzzkill," she groaned loudly, head rolling back as she stomped her foot childishly. you resisted the urge to roll your eyes. 
"i know." 
"do you ever just let yourself have a good time? like ever? we're in the prime of our lives for god’s sake!" and there she goes again with the 'prime of our lives' bullshit. please. maybe this was the best life would ever be for her, but you had other plans. 
"i have to finish an essay for my business class." no you didn't. 
"but it's friday! you have all weekend to finish it!" why was she trying to argue with you? you'd already said no, so why was she still trying to convince you. spoiler, you weren't about to change your mind anytime soon. 
"i prefer not to put work off until the very last minute." also a lie. 
"(y/n)," she whined, "come on, i personally think it would be pretty healthy for you not to spend another friday night pent up in that little apartment of yours—" 
all at once she was cut off by the distinct roaring of an engine. both your gazes shifted towards the road ahead of you, watching as a flashy red motorcycle came tearing down the street. an excited gasp exploded from your–barely–acquaintance's mouth while a low groan escaped yours. 
fantastic. just what you needed. your daily dose of—
"Yeolie!"
you winced as she squealed his name, waving energetically. you silent prayed he'd just keep going. but of course, he didn't. his bike came to a gradual halt in front of the sidewalk you stood on. it purred as he planted his feet securely on the cement. 
now this next part you could almost see happening in slow motion. 
he reached up with his leather glove clad hands, pulling off his sleek black helmet to reveal a pair of thick, pink lips, a sharp, defined nose, charcoal black eyes, and a head of silver locks. you could practically feel Mina swooning as he swung his head to the side, effectively flipping his hair like some kind of wannabe fetus Justin Bieber. it took less than a moment for those dark eyes to fall on the pair of you, and a slow smirk to crawl across his face. 
Mina immediately rushed up to him (all too energetically for someone who already has a boyfriend, mind you), squeaking out sweet greetings as her touchy hands found purchase on the sleeve of his leather jacket. 
what was up with him and the leather anyway? it was only on shockingly rare occasions that you witnessed him donning something other than his signature black leather outfit, decorated with silver zippers and complimented by a thick chain around his neck and a single silver earring. how much cheesier could he get? 
you'd think after high school, people would be over the whole 'bad boys are so hot' thing. 
apparently not. 
because at your uni, Park Chanyeol was hot shit. every girl and every guy wanted to get their hands on him in one way or another. he was dangerous, sexy, mysterious, hard to get. he rode a blood red motorcycle and smoked blunts behind the main building for god's sake. 
he was the definition of a cliche. but it seemed you were the only person that could see through his whole charade. 
"(y/n), don't be rude! come say hi to Yeolie!" Mina suddenly whipped around, waving you over. 
this bitch— 
the corner of your lip twitched in a subtle sneer, but, ever the pacifist, you obliged, slowly moving to stand at her side. his irritating smirk widened upon your approach, tongue swinging over the corner of his lip as his eyes dropped to do a brief once over. 
"Chanyeol," you grunted with a less than enthusiastic tone. 
"(y/n)," was his swift reply, voice as deep and smooth as ever, "wonderful seeing you again. you look as happy-go-lucky as ever." 
the sarcasm was palpable. 
"yeah well, it seems i just can't contain myself with you around," you bit back with just as much satire, lips curling dryly. 
"i'm flattered," he all but cooed, head tilting downward as his teeth latched onto his bottom lip. 
he stared boldly into your eyes, and you stared right back with just as much fire. 
"um... do you guys, like... know each other?" 
"no."
"yes."
you both responded simultaneously.
confusion plastered itself across her face, eyes jumping back and forth from your face to his. a taunting smile tugged at the corners of his lips, "we actually went to the same high school, isn't that right, (y/n)?" 
you huffed in annoyance, shoulders slumping, "yeah. we did." 
"and you never told me this because…?" 
because you weren't close in the least and you hadn't even told her when your birthday was let alone about your high school life. 
"didn't seem like important information." 
she gaped at you in disbelief, "anything regarding my Yeolie is important information!" 
was she trying to stroke his already colossal ego? if his head got any bigger, it might just explode.
Chanyeol’s grin broadened at her statement, and you silently groaned, knowing exactly what was coming before he even opened his mouth, "yeah, (y/n). anything regarding me is important information. so why didn't you tell her? trying to keep me all for yourself? how greedy of you." 
"please." you scoffed.
Mina glared at you sharply before plastering an innocent smile across her face and twirling a strand of her platinum blonde dyed hair. "ignore her, Yeolie. i was actually wondering if i'd be seeing you at Jake's party tonight?" 
"wasn't planning on it," he admitted, and Mina pouted, lips puckering, over dramatically whining in protest. suddenly, his eyes shifted to you, that stupid smirk touching his features,  "but maybe if a certain buzzkill was attending... i'd be more tempted to make an appearance." 
buzzkill? oh, you. 
"i'm not—"
"of course (y/n)'s coming! wouldn't be a party without her!" Mina rushed to cut you off, throwing an arm over your shoulder and yanking you into her side with a grip tight enough to bruise. you looked at her like she was crazy, brows furrowed, eyes wide, lip raised in a disgusted sneer. but her hold was enough to squeeze the air out of your lungs and steal away your ability to refute. 
Chanyeol’s brows jumped in surprise, an amused grin spreading across his face, "really?"
"wait, no—"
"yes! i was surprised when she agreed, too! but guess she's finally breaking out of her shell!" you were going to kick her ass if she kept cutting you off. 
"well isn't that great to hear." there was a mischievous flicker in his dark eyes, a look you knew all too well. 
"so... you'll come?" she asked hopefully.
"sure." you were annoyed at how easily he agreed. he was still smirking smugly as he began pulling his helmet back down over his head. shooting you a wink and a two fingered wave, he spoke again, "see ya tonight." 
with that final word, he was speeding off down the road, tires kicking up dust and pebbles as they spun. 
as soon as Mina's grip loosened from around you, you were ten feet away, swiftly walking in the direction of your car. "(y/n)! wait!" she cried out, running after you in her five inch heels. you didn't slow down in the least. 
"i'm not going, Mina," you said sternly, not even bothering to look back at her. 
"b–but i told Chanyeol—" 
"no." 
"please?"
"not. happening." 
⋄⋆⋄
you ended up going. 
not because you wanted to, of course. but because Mina decided it was necessary to show up at your apartment and quite literally drag you out. she was surprisingly strong for such a small person, and fiercely persistent. she'd even gone the extra mile of forcefully applying makeup to your eyelids and lips. that's not to say you didn't put up one hell of a fight. but conflict was never your strong suite, and you eventually ended up going pliant under her ministrations. 
unsurprisingly, it was just as you expected it to be. loud. stinky. and filled to the brim with horny bastards looking for a quick fuck. you'd been there for all of ten minutes and you'd already gotten your ass grabbed six times. slimy assholes think it's acceptable to touch someone without permission. all the more reason you didn't want to stick around for long. 
not to mention, Mina had ditched you the minute you walked in the door to suck faces with her fuckboy boyfriend. since then you'd been gravitating from room to room, searching for the best place to sit without being squished by a horny couple practically dry humping against you. 
luckily, you found your solace upstairs in an empty bedroom. the music was muffled the moment you shut the door, the stuffy air that smelled of sweat and marijuana also clearing out. finally, you could breathe. 
you spotted a candle and lighter on the bedside table, and quickly moved to light it. the dull, soothing glow that filled the room, splashing light across the walls made the headache that had begun to swell at your temples ease up. exhaling softly, you fell back onto the neatly made bed, body relaxing into the soft duvet. 
but of course, your moment of tranquility was short lasting. 
because before you could so much as shut your eyes, the door was opening, and a painfully familiar voice was purring, "there you are~ i've been looking all over for you, (y/n), you sly girl." 
"fucking hell," you growled under your breath, propping yourself up on your elbows to face him properly, "what do you want, Chanyeol?" 
he gently nudged the door shut behind him, before walking over to where you lay. "isn't it obvious?" he murmured, leaning forward to press his hands against the mattress on either side of your ankles. 
"spell it out for me." 
he chuckled softly, knees meeting the bedding as he began to crawl upwards, until his face was hovering over yours. even you couldn't deny how beautiful he looked up close, with those big, dark eyes, boyishly grinning lips, smooth, tan skin... 
"i," he began, nose nudging against your cheek, "want," his lips feathered over yours, "you." 
a dark chuckle rolled off your tongue as you met his hooded, lustful gaze. "you we're so greedy last time... and still... you couldn't get enough," you replied smoothly, voice deepening as your desire for him grew. 
"what can i say? i'm insatiable." 
you scoffed, the corners of your lips curling as you lifted your head slightly, leaving only the tiniest of spaces between your mouth, "i don't think you deserve it." your whisper caressed his lips all too temptingly. A chill rolled down his spine, eyes fluttering as he felt himself falter briefly. 
"maybe i don't... but i can earn it..." 
now that caught your interest. 
a smirk touched your features, "and how might you do that?" 
he bit his lip, trying his best to subdue a grin, "by doing whatever you ask of me." 
"you willing to take that risk? after that little stunt earlier? i might just decide not to go easy on you." your voice was taunting, but the challenge and threat were very real. 
"i can handle anything you give me." 
you raised a brow, amused by his naive confidence. then, in the blink of an eye, you had him underneath you, pinning his wrists to the mattress above his head. the action had been so sudden that he could only gasp in shock when his back collided with the bed. you stared down at him with dark eyes, the tip of your tongue sliding over the corner of your mouth. 
"you sure about that, big boy?" 
he inhaled deeply when your head lowered to the curve of his throat, lips just barely grazing over that sensitive spot. "most definitely." he let out breathlessly, eyes fluttering as he tilted his chin back, offering himself to you. something dark alighted in your eyes, a sinister gleam in your smirk as thoughts of how you could absolutely ruin him flooded your mind. 
"you're going to regret saying that." 
you didn’t offer him the opportunity to respond before your lips crashed down on his. he let out a muffled sound of surprise at the sudden action, but quickly relaxed beneath you, returning the kiss eagerly. 
see? you much preferred Chanyeol when he wasn’t running that big mouth of his. he was always so much more fun when he was choking on desperate moans and trembling uncontrollably under your touch. 
truth about the infamous Park Chanyeol? he was a bitch. 
in fact... he was your bitch. 
it started back in high school. when you were the chill girl who wasn't too well known by anyone outside of your friend group, and when he was the untouchable bad boy that everyone drooled over. 
to keep it to the point, you'd both attended a mutual friend's party your senior year, got wasted, and hooked up. 
but, it wasn't what you'd expected it to be. no, because you'd expect Chanyeol to be the kind of guy to pin a girl (or guy) down and dominate the fuck out of them. but the moment your voice took on an authoritative pitch, he was putty in your hands, whining and moaning and begging... it stirred something to life inside of you that you had no idea was there. 
and it was good. really good. so good, in fact, he came running back to you within the next week practically begging for more. and shit, you gave it to him. he was one of the first guys you'd dominated like that. it was empowering, controlling a guy as big as Chanyeol was. it was an addictive sensation. 
but you'd made it very clear from the beginning that it was going to be nothing more than sex. it wasn't romantic, you weren't friends, and you had no intention of getting to know him on a deeper level than his body. though, he seemed suspiciously intent on worming his way into your life one way or another. the boy was relentless. luckily, you were equally as stubborn. a match made in hell, aren’t you? what a spectacle. 
you drew away from the kiss at the feeling of his tongue prodding at your lips, a low whine following soon after. you scoffed softly at the sight of his pouting face, “so needy.” 
“you can only blame yourself.” he shot back easily, eyes already hooded and darkened with lust. excitement glimmered within them as you reached down between your bodies, fingers slowly undoing his belt. 
“is that right?” you murmured, not breaking eye contact for a single moment, a lazy smirk resting on your face. he swallowed, trembling pupils jumping noncommittally from your intense stare down to where you were making easy work of his belt buckle. 
“i— yes.” you don’t think he knew what he was saying yes to, his mind already becoming a muddled mess from the promise of what the night had in store for the two of you. his rationality had a nasty habit of hopping out the window whenever you got him in this position. 
“what are you hoping happens tonight, Chanyeol?” you asked softly, slowly pulling his belt from the first loop of his jeans. 
he swallowed thickly, head beginning to swing back and forth is slow swoops. “i– i don’t—” his voice broke off with a strangled whine as you allowed your fingertips to caress ever so gently over the ever growing tent in his pants. 
you raised a brow into a questioning arch, stifling a smirk of amusement at his already flustered state. “it’s a simple question.” 
his cheeks pinkened. “i just… want you.” it almost came out more as a question than a statement, words shy and hesitant. 
“want me to what?” you pressed. 
“to… to kiss me.” his gaze fell onto your lips, his own parting. 
“kiss you?” you repeated, tone on the verge of taunting. “asking for a lot there, aren’t you, sweetheart?” 
you were teasing him, but he didn’t seem to mind, blinking slowly as he dragged his tongue over the pink swell of his thick lower lip. “want you to touch me…” his voice lowered an octave, deep, lustful eyes looking up at you intensely. 
“where?” 
“everywhere.” he replied without missing a beat. “anywhere. just— just want your hands. or your mouth. i’ll take anything that you give me… but you already know that.” 
you really loved the sound of his voice when he got like this. it was softer than cotton and smoother than silk, rumbling so deep in his chest that you could almost mistake it for purring. it spilled off his lips like the thickest, sweetest honey, so lush and lovely, dripping with shameless desire. something about it was so soothing. and the sounds he made were even better, his guttural groans and melodic moans were nothing short of symphonies. and you were the conductor. 
chuckling, you smirked down at him. “you’re right. i do already know that.” he gasped as you suddenly yanked his belt completely free. “now be a good little bitch and grab onto the headboard.” 
he eagerly complied, capturing his lip between his teeth as he watched you bind his wrists above his head. his eyes slowly dragged over your face, drifting over the length of your neck, following the smooths swells of your chest beneath your black tank top. a low groan slid from his lips as you pressed your hips forward slightly, just barely grinding against his growing erection. his eyes snapped up at the sound of your soft laughter. 
“my eyes are up here, sweetheart.” you hummed, pulling his belt taught before looping it around one of the vertical wooden bars. 
“and beautiful eyes they are.” he grinned up at you in that boyishly charming way, shooting you a playful wink. you scoffed, hands drifting down to rest on his firm chest before one raised to grip his jaw, tilting his head upward. lowering your own head, you allowed your lips to caress teasingly over his. 
“maybe i should gag you, too. keep that pretty mouth in check,” you mused, dragging your thumb slowly over his full lips, “but unfortunately i think i enjoy the sound of your voice almost as much as you do. especially when you're moaning my name. god it’s so hot.” 
you almost growled as he took your finger into his mouth, moaning softly around it. you swooped down, swiftly replacing your finger with your lips. the kiss was deep, rough, and hungry. distracted by your weaponized tongue, he didn’t process that you were unbuttoning his jeans until they were being pushed down his thighs and your hand was gripping his arousal through his thin black boxers. 
“fuck, (y/n),” he groaned deeply into your mouth, arms gently tugging against their restraints. you dragged your lips away from his, face lowering so that you could suck your mark onto the expanse of his neck. he sighed blissfully, hot breath rushing over your ear as he subtly rolled his hips, body temperature rising steadily. you bit down on his collarbone, hands pushing up under his shirt to feel at his toned, well built torso. he was so hard, muscles rigid and protruding, so warm to the touch. 
it was rather amazing. a guy as big as Chanyeol, as strong and as confident, could easily get the upper hand over you if he wanted. he could flip you over and pin you down without so much as breaking a sweat. but he didn’t. he let you pin him down, tie him up, dominate him, mind and body. he allowed himself to submit to you, to be taken by you: slowly, quickly, roughly, gently, he didn’t care, but dammit he enjoyed every second of it. and if that didn’t give you a rush of power, then you don’t know what could. 
goosebumps rose across his honeyed skin as you pushed his shirt up to fully expose his tight body to your ravenous eyes, a chill rolling down his spine when you lowered your mouth to latch onto the smooth swell of his pectoral. he moaned quietly, back arching as you peppered kisses down his abdomen, slowly shifting lower, lower, lower… until your face was level with his bulge. 
a sound of excitement flooded past his lips, his breathing becoming rapid and deep. “really?” he asked hopefully, voice breathless and light. a slow smirk crawled across your lips and you chuckled at the way he jolted with a moan when you pressed a slow kiss to his clothed arousal. 
“really.” you hummed in confirmation. “you said you wanted my mouth, didn’t you?” 
he frantically bobbed his head. “yes. yes, god yes. please.” you almost laughed at his shameless display of desperation. he let out a deep, strained groan as you flicked your tongue over his clothed erection, head falling back. 
“ah ah, eyes on me, baby.” you scolded mildly, squeezing his thighs in warning. he lifted his head without argument, face flushed and glistening with faint perspiration, lip caught in a tight grip between his teeth, brows furrowed. 
from your viewpoint, he looked rather beautiful: arms bound above his head, exposed chest rising and falling dramatically with each deep breath, messy silver hair falling flawlessly over his hooded, lustful eyes. 
and he in turn was also quite taken by how perfect you looked between his legs: smirking lips hovering right over where he needed them most, dark, penetrating gaze making his body tremble with an unspoken need. 
your fingers slipped under the elastic of his boxers, slowly easing them down his thighs until his length sprang free. “there he is,” you murmured, tongue dragging over your lower lip as you admired him, long and thick and swollen, precum spilling over his hot, red tip. he shuddered in delight as you traced your finger over a vein. 
“(y/n)…” his usually deep voice was pleading and airy, hands curling into tight fists above his head, “please.” 
you smiled up at him innocently before delivering a teasing kitten lick to his sensitive tip. he whined softly, hips twitching as his need for you increased tenfold. 
a slightly more sadistic side of you rather enjoyed watching him squirm. perhaps it was that hidden part of you that wanted nothing more than to tease him into oblivion with insubstantial caresses and borderline torturous kisses until he was writhing helplessly and there were tears spilling from those beautiful big brown eyes. 
however, a larger part of you craved the sight of his stunning, fucked out expression. the one where his face glistened with sweat, thick pink lips swollen and red from being ruthlessly and relentlessly attacked by those pearly whites, puppy dog eyes hooded and fluttering, fighting to remain open against his mind's desire to just melt completely into the pleasure coursing like hot lava through his veins. that was the face you wanted to see more than anything. 
a broken moan flooded from his gaping mouth as you fastened your lips around his tip, the taste of his salty precum immediately lathering your tongue. he trembled as you hummed lightly around him, mouth silently forming the words ‘oh god’ as the vibrations sent sparks of pleasure shooting through his body like static shock. 
“feels good, (y/n),” he whined weakly, stomach tensing, “feels so good.” 
your response was to thrust your head down and as much of him into your mouth as possible. he cried out, hips snapping up at the feeling of your gentle sucking. you were quick to pin them back down, a warning glare darkening your gaze. 
“‘m sorry—,” he slurred, panting heavily, “i’m sorry.” he was quick to submit, fighting against the painfully strong urge to fuck himself up into your warm mouth and forcing his quivering body to go pliant beneath your ministrations. satisfied for the time being, you dragged your tongue from his base to his weeping head, tracing slow, taunting circles over his most sensitive place. 
a broken moan was all he could manage as his cock twitched tellingly, precum spilling down his throbbing length. you fixed your lips back around his tip, sucking gently. his thighs trembled at the sensation it sent shooting through his veins, a breathless ‘oh’ pulsing from his pink-bitten lips. 
“(y/n)— (y/n), if you keep doing that—” the warning was clear, but you wanted to see just how close you could bring him to his release before stealing it away last second. it was always fun to watch how hard he came down from his high when he was denied of it. it was delicious, the way he gasped and trembled, shuddering hips desperately seeking out more frictions, but never receiving it. he was so cute when he got like that. 
“you gonna come, baby?” you cooed, replacing your mouth with your hand and shifting upwards so that you could look directly into his eyes. you wanted to be able to see the look in his pretty brown eyes when you stole away his release. he whimpered, head bobbing rapidly as he caught his lower lip between his teeth. 
“please.” 
you only offered a low, contemplative hum before a wicked smirk struck your features. “not yet.” 
a sob broke from his lips as you drew away from his throbbing dick, his high stolen only moments before it could come crashing down over him. his hips bucked, desperately seeking the friction you so cruelly denied him of, but finding nothing but empty air in place of your warm touch. his muscles trembled, broken pleas spilling from his quivering lips. 
“(y-y/n), no— please,” he gasped out, arms tugging against the sturdy binds, fingers aching to touch you, grab onto you, hold you. 
you hushed him with sweet words, pressing a soothing kiss to the cut of his jaw, hands massaging the bulk of his muscular thighs and holding still his stuttering hips. 
“fuck– i hate it when you do that.” he cursed weakly, glassy eyes peering up into yours. 
“no you don’t.” you chuckled softly, brushing his damp bangs out of his face in an unexpectedly tender gesture. 
“you’re right, i don’t.” he relented easily, the corners of his lips curling subtly. 
a sudden silence fell over you, and it took you a moment to realize that he was looking at you with those eyes— the ones you knew all too well. the ones you’d told him plenty of times to drop. because those weren’t the kind of eyes you were supposed to look at a fuck buddy with. those weren’t the kind of eyes that just anybody could be on the receiving end of, most definitely not you. 
“don’t look at me like that.” you warned, hardening your expression. 
“i can’t help it.” he breathed. you felt your stomach twist. damnit. 
“then close ‘em, Park. before I decide to blindfold you, too.” 
it seemed your threat wasn’t very well received, as the smile adorning his features only expanded, the corners of his eyes crinkling endearingly. 
“that doesn’t sound too bad.” 
a dry laugh burst from your lips. “god, you’re so fucking submissive. how has nobody else untangled your little ruse, hm? acting all big and tough on the outside when all you really want is to be tied up and fucked like a horny little bitch. am i really the only one that’s got you figured out?” you hummed thoughtfully, tracing your fingers down his throat and caressing his collarbone. 
“you’re the only one, (y/n).” 
for some reason… you had a strange feeling that that sentence held more meaning than you were willing to decipher.  
“you tell all your little side fucks that?” you taunted, disguising the slight tremor in your chest with a dangerous smirk. 
he shook his head, gaze not wavering for a moment. “there’s no one else. only you.” 
fuck. you needed him to stop talking. so, you did the one thing that always did the trick: shoving your fingers down his throat. he let out a muffled sound of surprise at the unexpected intrusion, a sound that easily melted into a low moan, his tongue immediately getting to work lapping at your digits. 
“you talk too much.” you murmured, taking him off guard and eliciting a low groan from the back of his throat as you ground yourself down on his naked length. “you came to get fucked, didn’t you, sweetheart?” 
he eagerly nodded his head, hips nudging up excitedly against your own. 
“thought so.” you chuckled. 
through wide, glassy eyes, Chanyeol watched you push yourself upright, straddling his thighs. just as he was about to ask what you were doing, you grabbed the hem of your tank top and peeled it off over your head, discarding it onto the floor, your pants fast to follow. 
“fuck. you’re so beautiful.” he groaned deeply, ravenous gaze raking over your nearly naked form. you smirked at him cockily. 
“i know.” 
a surprised laugh erupted from his lips at your blunt reply, eyes glinting with something akin to admiration. “as you should.” 
smiling to yourself, you swiftly climbed back on top of him, not wasting any time before grabbing hold of his throbbing dick. he let out a breath of appreciation at the contact, biting at the inside of his cheek. every muscle in his body tightened as you teasingly traced his tip over your clothed heat, his precum slickening the thin fabric. 
“are you wet?” he asked weakly, voice so airy and strained that you almost missed it. 
grinning devilishly, you toyed with the elastic. “do you wanna find out?” 
“yes,” he all but hissed out, muscular arms straining against their secure restraints, “fuck— yes, please.” 
“mmm, you sound so hot when you're desperate to get fucked.” you groaned softly, nudging your underwear to the side in order to slip his head through your hot arousal. he shuddered at the sensation, his pupils blown wide with lust as he watched you tease not only him but yourself as well with fleeting caresses of his needy length against your burning core. 
“(y/n).” his deep voice had become little more than a breathless whimper singed with molten desire. you felt your pulse jump at the very sound of it, your own want for him swelling with every passing second. 
Chanyeol let out a broken gasp as you sunk down on him, cursing weakly as you took him in inch by inch. a low hum vibrated on your lips at the blissful stretch, hot tendrils of pleasure igniting throughout your body. 
“sometimes i forget just how good you feel inside of me.” you breathed out heavily, peering down at his already fucked out expression with a coy smirk. 
“i could never forget.” he moaned, roughly biting his lower lip. a slow, deep grind of your hips had his head of unruly silver locks tossed back into the plush pillows, an unsteady groan of your name filling the hot, heavy air surrounding you. 
“fuck, go faster.” 
he realized his mistake only when your fingers were pressing into the length of his throat, all motion ceased. “is that how you ask for things?” you asked, voice dangerously calm. 
he was quick to shake his head, eager to right his wrong. “please. please go faster.” 
“that’s better.” 
a rough sob is pulled from his flushed throat (which you’re almost certain will be raw tomorrow morning) as you fuck yourself down onto him. the pace was fast, hungry, rough. his back bowing off the mattress, hips pulsing upward, desperate to meet each thrust half way. 
“(y/n),” you almost moaned at the sight of his body rolling beneath yours, muscles flexed and trembling, toned arms straining against the tight hold of his belt, the leather biting pretty red marks into his wrists, “i wanna touch you— please let me touch you. let me feel you, baby. you know i can make you feel good.”
his begging caused a playful grin to draw itself across your face. “should i?” you murmured thoughtfully, rolling your hips in slow, controlled circles. a low, throaty moan vibrated in your chest as he thrust himself up inside of you, just barely brushing over that perfect little spot. 
“i can be so good for you. please… let me be good for you, (y/n).” 
“well when you say it like that…” you sighed, feeling any remaining resolve come crumbling down. 
excitement ignited in his dark eyes, and he watched with bated breath as you reached up, getting to work on freeing him from the binds. 
the very moment the belt fell slack, releasing his hands, they were on your skin, eager and impatient, tugging you down into a heated kiss. it was messy and rough, all biting teeth and lashing tongues. not that you minded much, it was always fun reminding him who was in charge, one way or another. 
his wandering hands eagerly explored the expanse of your body, squeezing, pressing, pulling. and you let him have his fun, let him push the limits, testing your boundaries with every curious prod and trembling caress. 
it was only when you felt his fingers pressing into the swells of your ass and begin guiding your movements that you drew the line. it took all of a few seconds for you to have his wrists pinned down on either side of his head. 
you pulled away from his lips was a disappointed sigh, tongue clicking. “still no restraint, i see? i’m disappointed. i thought you said you’d be good for me, yeolie? was that good?” he all but whimpered, his head, too muddled from pleasure to form coherent words, shaking remorsefully. “no… that was very bad. bad boy, yeolie.” 
his dick throbbed so hard inside of you that you could’ve sworn he’d almost just come. 
a scoff of both amazement and disbelief escaped your lips. “you like being called a bad boy?” 
how ironic. 
color flushed into his cheeks, embarrassment shining in his big, glassy eyes that were now refusing to meet your gaze. 
“look at me.” 
he gasped as you purposely clenched around him, thrusting your hips back until he was balls deep, successfully forcing his attention onto your face. you grabbed his chin securely between your thumb and forefinger, and lowered your head to the point where your lips were just barely brushing over his. his pupils were blown and trembling as they met yours. 
“you wanna be my bad boy, baby?” 
his jaw fell open, a thunderous moan breaking from his chest. 
“yes.” 
“say it.” you all but growled, tone leaving no room for argument. 
at this point, he was too lost in his own desire to feel any real shame. 
“i wanna be your bad boy.” 
a triumphant smirk curled onto your face, and you rewarded him with a gentle kiss to his quivering lips. “you gonna come for me, bad boy?” he was already bobbing his head frantically before you’d even fully gotten the question out. you chuckled sadistically at his unabashed desperation. “should i let you?” 
“(y/n), please— i don’t think i can— fuck.” he panted out, voice shuddering and breaking as you fucked yourself down on him at just the right pace to keep him teetering dangerously on the edge without completely throwing him over. you bit your lip, pleasure exploding like firecrackers in your veins as he thrusted into you. fuck, if he didn’t stop hitting that spot… 
his hands curled into tight fists where they were pinned to the mattress, dull nails biting smooth crescents into his palm. noticing this, you took it upon yourself to weave your fingers through his, holding his hands in an unexpectedly tender display. only because you didn’t want him to accidentally hurt himself… that was all. 
but, perhaps it was a mistake. 
because that look returned to his eyes with vengeance, his features melting into bursting admiration and unspoken emotion. this time, you ignored it, too gone in your own pleasure to spare it a second thought. that’s what you convinced yourself of, anyways. 
he was pulsing intensely against your slick walls, twitching cock threatening to erupt at any given second. you could tell he was fighting to hold himself back, the veins in his throat growing prominent from the strenuous effort. it was admirable in a way, how desperately he wanted to please you, even if it meant denying himself of the greatest pleasure of all. you’d encountered very few men with that kind of will power. so you couldn’t help but to respect it when you saw it in Chanyeol. 
“you look like you’re about to explode.” you taunted breathlessly, lips pulled into a lust hazed smirk. “it’d be cruel of me to tell you to hold it, wouldn’t it?” 
he whimpered helplessly, obviously not sure which answer would satisfy you and which would coax you into further torturing his already wrecked body. 
you offered a rasping chuckled. “you’re lucky that i’m feeling rather generous today.” 
something between a sob and a moan are thrown past his lips as you slam yourself down on him, purposefully squeezing your walls around him. he cries out your name desperately, imploringly. you know he can’t hold back anymore, no matter how hard he tries. his body was going to come whether he liked it or not. you felt in the way he throbbed and twitched inside of you, heard it in the way he groaned and sighed, saw it in the way his eyes rolled, body shuddering uncontrollably. 
“come.” 
and he fucking did. 
his body stalled, back arching off the bad, hips sputtering up in sharp, quick thrusts, the sound of skin on skin contact resonating through the room. you cooed, relishing in the way he quivered and keener beneath you, mouth gaping silently for a few moments before growling moans finally broke through, rumbling so deep in his chest you could have easily mistaken it for thunder. 
you let him fill you up, painting your walls with his release, knowing damn well your intentions once he was finished. 
“that’s it, baby…” you cooed, releasing one of his clenched fists to caress his feverish face, tracing the lower line of his plump lip, swollen and red from his relentless biting. 
“oh! look at that. you made a mess, sweetheart.” you purred, smirking wickedly as you watched his arousal drip out of you and onto his now half hard cock. he moaned at the sight, cursing under his breath. “I think it’s only right if you clean it up.” 
his eyes snapped up to meet yours, excitement immediately burning with his hazy, blown pupils. that was your boy… always eager to clean up after himself. especially if it meant he could put his tongue and lips to proper use. 
“fuck. ride my face. wanna taste you. wanna make you come.” he groaned breathlessly, freed hands reaching down to grip at your thighs, tugging at them impatiently. 
you chuckled at how eager he was, happily obliging. you climbed up, repositioning yourself to hover over his flushed face, caging his head between your thighs. his fingers pressed into your hips, pulling you down and into reach of his greedy tongue. you couldn’t help the sigh that slid from your lips at the first contact, eyes fluttering at the feeling of his tongue dragging hungrily through your come soaked folds. 
“that’s right. eat your come, baby. lick it up.” you breathed out heavily, fingers weaving through his damp silver locks. 
he moaned against you, the vibrations sending chills rolling down your spine. it was like white hot electricity in your veins when he rolled his flattened tongue cover your clit, a sharp moan erupting from your throat. 
“fuck, just like that. right there.” you panted, hips grinding down against his skilled tongue. “you’re so fucking good with your mouth, yeol.” his determination spiked at the praise, lips encircling your clit and sucking purposefully. 
pure euphoria rushed through your veins, head falling back as your grip on his hair tightened. his rapacious hands danced across your body, fingers pressing hotly into your skin, obviously not having learned his lesson the first time around. though, you weren’t too keen on correcting him. especially not with the fire his touch was igniting across your body. 
your hips stuttered as his tongue pressed inside of you, lapping at you hungrily. “tastes… so good…” he groaned brokenly against your arousal, hooded eyes devouring the sight of you falling apart above him. 
if there was one thing Park Chanyeol loved– it was being the cause of your pleasure. 
snagging your lip roughly between your teeth, you meet his searing gaze, your walls clenching around his invading tongue at the almost unbearable intensity of it. 
“you like it?” you moaned, feeling yourself begin to climb your way towards release. he nuzzled against you, nose pressing against your clit as his tongue teased your entrance. 
god… if you didn’t know any better you’d say he was trying to suffocate himself. knowing Chanyeol, he’d probably consider it the perfect way to go. perhaps you would have laughed at the thought had it not been for the molten pleasure numbing your mind and senses.
“i’m gonna come.” 
at your breathless declaration, Chanyeol is quickly replacing his tongue with two of his fingers, fucking them up into you steadily while his mouth gets to work on your clit. it feels so good… you’re numb to pretty much everything else but the feeling of him, the sight of him. 
and you find it’s just that that finally sends you tumbling over that ledge: the sight of those beautiful brown eyes, dark and eager, burning with unspoken emotion, pooling with crimson seduction. he’s breathtaking. 
you shift off of his face carefully, a hazy, satisfied smirk settling across your face. 
“what a filthy boy.” you purr softly, more so to yourself than him, delighting in the sight of his face, glistening from a mixture of both his and your own release. his lips curl upwards at the corners, sinful tongue peeking out to drag over them and savor the lingering taste of you, a low hum of appreciation rumbling deep in his chest.  
his hands don’t leave your hips as you carefully lift yourself off of him, offering some much needed support for your still shaky legs. you flop down on the mattress beside him with a soft ‘oof’ and shut your eyes, taking a moment to catch your breath and gather your scattered wits. a few moments of silence pass, before your brow twitched in irritation. 
“stop staring before i smack you.” even with your eyes closed, you can feel the heat of his gaze on the side of your face. 
he chuckled unabashedly, not all too torn up about being caught. “sorry. i can’t help myself,” he paused, “you’re just so beautiful like this.” 
sighing, you roll your head to the side, eyes fluttering open to meet his. “what’d i say about calling me beautiful?”  
he pouts, looking like a scolded puppy. “not to say it after sex.” 
“that’s right.”
“but it’s the truth!” 
“Chanyeol.” you groan, throwing an arm over your face. 
he huffs in annoyance rolling onto his side and propping his head up on his palm. “what’s so wrong with me saying that you're beautiful?” 
“you know exactly what’s wrong with it.” you grumble, shooting him a pointed glare, one he is quick to return. rolling your eyes, you turn away from him. “i’m too fucked out to try and argue with you right now so can you just drop it?”  
one of his arms snakes over your waist, and you inhaled sharply in surprise as he tugged you into his chest. 
“Chanyeol—”
he was quick to disregard your warning tone, nuzzling his face into your neck. “i like to cuddle.” 
“you know—” you began, scowling as he cut you off a second time. 
“i know what we agreed to but come on… a few minutes won’t kill you.” he grumbled, low voice raspy with exhaustion. 
the slight tightening of his hold around you told you that he had no intention of letting go any time soon. your features twisted into a scowl, eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling. 
but your resolve to remain unphased wavered. 
because, for a moment, you let yourself feel the warmth of his body against yours, allowing yourself to melt into it. it was a strange sensation, the comfort it brought you… the security. perhaps it was the aftermath of your orgasm. or maybe the exhaustion from a stressful week. or maybe something else entirely… regardless, you found yourself relaxing into him, into his hold, into his warmth. it wasn’t something you could really control. and even if you could, you weren’t sure if you would do anything different. 
minutes passed. maybe two. maybe five. maybe twenty. you weren’t really sure. you could hear the muffled music still pumping through the speakers somewhere downstairs. dull footsteps and low voices passing outside the door every now and again. the soft glow from the still candle flickered soothingly over the pale walls. 
a strange sense of calm had settled over you at some point. you weren’t sure quite when. all you knew was that if you listened hard enough, you could almost hear the steady beating of Chanyeol’s heart. his breathing had become slow and heavy, warming the side of your face with every exhale. 
“are you…” you swallowed, throat unexpectedly dry, “are you asleep?” 
you were met with silence. 
sucking your lips into your mouth, you slowly turned your head. your heart faltered in your chest. “geez.” you muttered softly, a faint smile touching your lips. 
he was knocked out cold, cheek smooshed up against the pillow, lips parted and puckered out, hair cast across the white pillowcase, a few locks stuck on his eyelashes. you lifted your hand carefully, gently brushing the silver strands out of his face. your fingers lingered on his skin, caressing ever so lightly over his cheek and jaw. 
“beautiful.” 
it took you a moment to realize that that word had just come from your lips. you jerked away like you’d been stung, eyes wide, and heart suddenly racing. 
shit. 
you were so fucked.
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inyoursheets · 5 years ago
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Quarantine tag game
Tagged by @mego42 who is rlly cool n you should deffo follow her if you don’t bc her tags are amazing she’s amazing her fics are amazing and I cant believe she’s doing the tumblr equivalent of hanging out w me aka tagging me in tag games HELLO I APPRECIATE YOU
ARE YOU STAYING HOME FROM WORK/SCHOOL? yes im privileged enough to be able to stay at home n work/procrastinate on my rma thesis from my student apartment
IF YOU’RE STAYING HOME, WHO IS THERE WITH YOU? our cat jopie and sometimes two out of five of my roommates, the rest are w/ family or boyfriends, but I think for the next few days it’s just me and jopie and all of my brio feelings
ARE YOU A HOMEBODY? totally. i think im better equipped for this that most, being as introverted as I am lol. ok that sounds strangely braggy sorry, but i mean like... my elder sister, a raging extravert, who bc of her job n housing situation still sees like, a bunch of people on a regular basis still, is already Suffering, and im just like.... chilling. now, that is. went through my anxious phase like, 3 weeks ago.
AN EVENT THAT YOU WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT GOT CANCELLED? a maluma concert w the person I consider my platonic soulmate - but im not that sad about it, I still get to facetime her n stream his music so im winning. also finally meeting my potential fwb dude! we hadn't set a date yet but now it’s completely shut down lol. I met him while i was living in the uk and he was here n now that we’re back to living in the same country we... still cant meet which is fine except he’s moving back to the us in august so im selfishly hoping I can hop on his d*ck before then. says I, a bisexual who hasn't fucked a dude before.  who have I become. my younger self would never--
WHAT MOVIES HAVE YOU WATCHED RECENTLY? omg I watched my favorite dutch film (oh yea im dutch) which is niemand in the stad and idk why I love it so much, it’s kinda strange n way too focused on men (who cares about men?) but it’s about dutch student culture and that’s something im very familiar with and I think it does it justice! also the director only made documentaries previously n they used actual student apartments to shoot the film in !!!! which I love! I find student apartments in the Netherlands SO interesting bc they have so much personality n history ANYWAY if you ever wanna watch a dutch film watch this one. tho I must warn, if you’re gonna watch a dutch film, you’re gonnasee some genitals. so. yeah. just so you know.
WHAT SHOWS ARE YOU WATCHING? obvs good girls, am also rewatching the good place and suits at the same time, considering starting parks and rec and/or the office, am lowkey also considering watching graceland and dare me and I blame tumblr for both of those.
WHAT MUSIC ARE YOU LISTENING TO? lol what kinda answer are u expecting of me. I have such a strange combination of tastes idek. reggaeton! dutch rap! music featured on good girls! all of it!
WHAT ARE YOU READING? uhm. a tooon of brio fanfic and occasionally things for my thesis (like virgie tovar's you have the right to remain fat! which is as cool as it sounds so far!)
WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR SELF-CARE? this whole situation has forced me to become a grownup and finally... do... meal prep.... like.... I now do groceries once a week max instead of wandering into the store everyday thinking HMMM what are we havin tonite (royal plural) so yeah. also Ive been doing facemasks???? a very un-me move, im too gay to function take care of my skin w a facemask. but my skin has been crazy dry bc now im home 24/7 w an archaic heating system (idk the English for it) so yeah that’s happening.
tagging: @mrslackles @bathroombreaks @cemeterydreamer and @bourbon-ontherocks if you feel like it!
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paulyrhythmics · 8 years ago
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New Years Rant
So it is the new year, the first day has passed it’s been a pretty chill yet somber start.
So I guess I should start off with saying that 2016 was just about the most trying year of my life... thus far. I went through so many emotions & have felt the lowest I never even thought I could even feel. 
Just starting out I was dealing with feelings of rejection from my ex from the previous year & when she finally broke things off between us the night before her birthday I kinda felt a sense of relief that I no longer had to feel like I was trying too hard to make her notice I was still alive & I was happy knowing that I could still be a friend to her, but given my nature I was still incredibly attached to her. 
Fast forward a couple of months to April & I was super excited that I got to play my first show at my favorite venue as my own solo project & was elated to hear so much positive response from those whom attended. All the fruits of my labor had paid off & it was incredibly satisfying.
However not too long after that was when shit started really going downhill... I found out that my ex had been seeing someone else... & was supposed to be spending their 2 year anniversary in July... I was completely devastated. I went to my friend for consultation, who (unfortunately) went to his friend... & eventually the other guy found out. 
When I finally talked to her she was upset with me & shut me & my friend out. It was an agonizing feeling not having proper closure. I’m the kind of person who likes having that sense of peace with things & this is now just a loose end in my life that’ll unfortunately never be tied... Also I’ll never get to see our cat again which super sucks since she also was expecting a litter when we broke up that I’ll never get to meet... 😕
Well, the main effect of all the drama was I went into the hardest state of anxiety/depression of my life. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for anyone & I’d never be able to find love again & it was hard for me to function properly for a while... About a month later though, I was able to feel like my life had meaning again when I started seeing a friend that I had been flirting with prior to the drama. 
I was still dealing with my conflicting feelings with my ex but I was still happy that I had found someone new & who was so supportive to me. I was able to find the motivation to work on my other passion in music & played yet another great show at my favorite venue (as myself & back-up for my other friend’s project) & received a lot of positive reinforcement from family & friends during the time. 
The next few months during the summer/fall seasons were a great adventure. I spent a lot of time feeling in love again. There was lots of trial & error in both my relationship & with my music. I was discovering what it is that I needed to do to make things work for me, & to help her grow as well. I got to hang with a lot of good friends, I got to meet a lot of great new people, saw a few amazing live artists (not as much as I’d’ve liked tho tbh) & even got to experience the world of LARPing, which is something I said I’d never do before lol
The only downside during this time was I still had those unresolved feelings of my ex floating in the back of my mind & I was also kinda dealing with a newfound feeling of jealousy for one of my partner’s friends. They were former lovers & it felt like maybe they were a better match for each other sometimes... But I kept that bottled up inside since there didn’t seem a reason to make things awkward between us.
Unfortunately things started slowing down between the 2 of us & we eventually parted ways a little after Thanksgiving. There’s no hard feelings & we can still talk a bit, which makes me happy (though it does feel a bit one sided sometimes haha but it’s cool I know she’s working hard on bettering herself as a person) 
It’s been pretty lonely as of late, I find myself feeling a great need to display affection towards someone who isn’t there. But it’s as they say there’s plenty of fish in the sea, maybe I’ll find someone new in this upcoming year. Though I find myself in a kind of mindset that I kinda don’t want to be in a “relationship” but maybe have a FWB sort of thing going on. I dunno, we’ll see where that takes us... (suddenly I’m speaking in the royal we for some reason lol) 
Lately a lot of venues have been closing or on the verge of closing & my favorite venue was no exception... I had a bittersweet farewell to the venue at the first of the last 3 shows there a few weeks back. It’s been kind of heartbreaking see a place that holds so many memories for so many people go away. It’s where I used to hang with my friends & ex all the time & it’s the last place I played live at too. I have both good & bad memories in there & I’ll cherish them all for as long as I live.  
The end of the year has been spent pretty great however. I’ve been hanging out in AZ since that last show with my family for the past few weeks. I’ve had a pretty fun musical experience. Drum classes, jazz band jams, Music Instrument Museum, & a Snoop Dogg/Bone Thugs n Harmony concert have been highlights of the passing year. I‘ve been eating just about the best I could ever have (haha thanks mom) & I’ve gone mountain hiking 2x too.
Actual new years passed by pretty smoothly. I ate a whole large pizza by myself (all for the sake of a joke) had the traditional grapes mom & I eat (a custom from our trip to Spain when I was a kid). Kinda had a bit of a cry to myself as I reflected the hardships & loneliness I’ve felt this past year. During the day I just chilled at home, played a little guitar & Kindom Hearts Unchainedx, did some laundry, listened to some music & watched stuff on Netflix.
A little while ago, against better judgment & for old times sake I scrolled through my first ex’s fb. (I know, you’re an absolute creep man!) She’s going on a trip to Europe which is cool, I’m glad that he’s doing well for herself & I find it funny that I’ll also be going on a big trip out to Central America this year. Apparently she actually was at the old hang out spot a few days before I was there for a show (despite saying she’d never go there again a few months prior) I find it funny that had I known about the show on that day & we had crossed paths... well who knows what could have happened??? lol Also she made a post about her year & mentioned that she had ended 2 shitty relationships & stopped a few friendships. I’m curious as to weather if she even considers me to be 1 of those relationships (since I believe she was with someone else before her current relationship) or if I’m just one of the “friends” & doesn’t even acknowledge me in that regard. 
I know people always saying don’t check in on others who don’t give a shit about you, but honestly, it makes me feel better knowing that people I’ve interacted with are doing well even if it’s without me in their life. I like the feeling that at one point in their life I was a part of their reality & it helped push them to where they’re at in the now for the better.
Well anyways I just felt like venting shit here again. I’ve been through a lot from 2 relationships to 2 grand musical performances (let’s not even talk about all the political bs that transpired haha) I’ve just gotta figure out what it is that I need to do this year to mature & become more adult-like. Gotta finally start thinking about learning to drive, going back to school &/or finding a stable source of income. *shudders* I guess I need to become a functioning member of society & the kind of person that can help someone I care about in any sort of situation (like help pay for things or whatever). Here’s hoping that this year will be one of great personal growth for the better!~ 
(Hopefully this isn’t too naive of a notion lol)
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